The List, No. 17

“Kama Sutra” Positions Left Out For Good Reason,
With Descriptions

The Drunken Monkey:
Man lies on top of woman. Woman doesn’t like it. Man snores.

The Sitting Duck:
Man sits cross-legged on floor with back against wall, arms in front of him. Woman is nowhere to be found. Man remembers he has a video game to play.

The Reverse Discrimination:
Man gets on knees. Woman positions herself behind man.

Woman pays man 72 percent of what she would make.

The Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon:
Man and woman stand close together. Man and woman fly through the air in unrealistic ways. At first, man and woman think it is pleasurable. Then, man and woman become bored and realize the position wasn’t that good to begin with.

The Folded Crane:
Man sits on floor. Woman lies on bed. Man folds napkin into origami crane. Woman puts on shoes and leaves.

The Entry-Level Position:
Man or woman: doesn’t matter. Everyone gets screwed.

The Lunar Eclipse:
Man and woman lie on sides, woman’s back facing man’s chest.
Man enters woman. Woman comes about once a year.

The Blogging Hippo:
Man and woman have sex. No one reads about it.